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The invitations have gone out for my March networking and focus breakfast, so, I thought it would be opportune to talk about business pitches and networking. The rapid pace and volume of communication, coupled with the constant creation of new and different types of careers, makes it essential to be able to quickly and succinctly describe what we do in terms that others easily understand. While I enjoy the simplicity of telling people that I am an Executive Coach, I am acutely aware that out of context or to the wrong audience it won’t be an effective pitch. As there are plenty of excellent sales and marketing books, blogs, videos , and articles about how to craft a good pitch. I thought it would be more worthwhile to share with you some tips from the attention and memory literature to help you maximise the impact of your message. In order for your pitch to be effective someone needs to: hear it, pay attention, understand it, remember it and recall it at a relevant moment. So before you go into any detail about what you do, it is essential to gain an understanding of what your audience does, and what matters to them, and find links and connections, thereby building a personal relationship that will increase their motivation to pay attention. Providing practical examples of what you do that relates to their world enhances comprehension, storage and relevant retrieval. Remember our brains have their own personal complex filing systems, and there isn't a universal ‘google search’ function. So when you include personalised elements in your pitch, the listener can store the information in a place that is logical to them, thus increasing the chances they will think of you at the right moment. The sheer volume of information we are exposed to on a daily basis, necessitates the need for repetition. However, as you would be well aware, reinforcing your brand via: business card, Linked-in, personal follow up, blogs etc will be more effective and subtle than simply repeating what you do over and over again the first time you meet a person. (Enjoy this funny YouTube of what not to do). Providing examples, of your work in the form of a little 'story' aids concentration, storage and retrieval (click here for the coaching examples page of my website for ideas). I wouldn’t be a good scientist if I didn’t recommend you test the effectiveness of your message. Begin in less threatening environments, amongst friends, family and even your children. Being asked by my 16 year old “So mum you are paid to ask people questions all day?” highlighted the fact that my pitch needed refinement. However, receiving a phone call from a new client requesting a proposal to provide coaching to team of newly appointed managers who have excellent technical but limited leadership capabilities, would be a wonderful example of a more successful “pitch". Finally a big thank you to Finlay Wilson for the great image and my friend Jacquie for the fun YouTube link. References Pink, D. (2013) To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others. The Echo Junction Podcast with Adam Fraser http://echojunction.com.au/series/echo-junction-podcast/feed/ Craik, F. I. M., & Lockhart, R. S. (1972). Levels of processing: A framework for memory research. Journal of Verbal Learning and Verbal behaviour, 11, 671-684. Craik, F.I.M., & Tulving, E. (1975). Depth of processing and the retention of words in episodic memory. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 104, 268-294. McLeod, S. A. (2007). Levels of processing. Retrieved from www.simplypsychology.org/levelsofprocessing.html McLeod, S. A. (2007). Multi store model of memory. Retrieved from www.simplypsychology.org/multi-store.html Wilson, F. (2017) Kilted Yoga. http://www.danpink.com/2013/02/6-new-pitches-for-selling-your-product-your-idea-or-yourself/ Brain Surgeon - That Mitchell & Webb Look , Series 3 - BBC Two https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THNPmhBl-8I&sns=em #networkingtips #leadership #coaching #memory

Photo by  Blaz Erzetic  on  Unsplash Readers would be acutely aware of the pressing need for increased innovation at work. However we often don't pause to think about creating the right conditions and making the time to allow for it to occur. Recent experiments found that the initial 20 ideas people generated were the most conventional. Once they had thought of those, they were free to start dreaming up unconventional possibilities. So if you want your team to generate out of the box ideas remember you will need time and the internal and external conditions. Research suggests that there is no single magical idea that makes the whole creative process work. The ideas in this blog may help to create the moments of illumination that redirect thought or inspire exploration, but that illumination tends to start the process, not end it. What aspects of Organisational culture are critical for creativity?  Typically people tend not to share new ideas or suggestions for fear they are seen as: Ignorant Incompetent Overly negative Disruptive Research has demonstrated that a  culture of psychological safety is the essential foundation for creativity. When you create Psychological safety in your organisation people feel they won’t be punished or humiliated for asking questions, challenging norms, talking about what is and isn’t working, expressing concerns and experimenting with unproven actions.  Remember Psychological Safety isn’t group cohesion, rather it’s an environment where people are supported to respectfully challenge each other, the status quo, to have debate and take risks. Interestingly, in the fields of scientific research, manufacturing and IT 'prototypes' are common. The prototype approach enables the testing of a product and where failure is perceived as an opportunity  for improvement. In a psychologically safe workplace people can create and test “safe to fail experiments” for their ideas and plans. Thus enabling constructive debate, more analysis and idea generation, typically resulting in long term superior results. Is there something special that creative people do?  Research has demonstrated that creative experts tend to have broader interests and greater versatility compared to their less creative expert colleagues. As the psychologist Howard Gruber has shown, rather than a dogged single pursuit of a single research question, the most creative scientists throughout history engaged in "networks of enterprise", where they pursued a large number of loosely related projects. So if you are a specialist and you want to broaden your interests or perspective try bringing others who may seem to do completely unrelated work into your problem solving process.  On a daily basis our brains are exposed to lots of information from, our senses, mental images, memories and even the thoughts that just pop to mind. So to avoid overload we are wired to filter out information. Research suggests that highly creative people let more information come through those filters so that they can combine and re combine this data in novel and original ways.  Finally, creative people seem to have  cognitive flexibility,  that is the ability to take old information and adapt it to a new context. According to Adam Grant,  to be original you don't have to be first,  just different and better. Where do emotions fit in? While the research isn’t yet conclusive, there’s an increasing body of work indicating that  positive feelings may expand up the capacity of our creativity. At a physiological level, laughing releases dopamine, one of the brain’s feel-good reward hormones. That means you grow less critical of your ideas, which allows for more of them to emerge.  As our world view expands, we become more flexible, innovative, and creative and are able to see solutions we would not normally identify. “Generally, positive mood has been found to enhance creative problem solving and flexible yet careful thinking, If you have a project where you want to think innovatively, or you have a problem to carefully consider, being in a positive mood can help you to do that.” Nadler Regular readers may be aware that of the circular relationship between creativity and positive mood, as engaging in creative activity improves your mood and wellbeing. “Even though personal creativity may not lead to fame and fortune, it can do something that from the individuals’ point of view is even more important: make day to day experiences more vivid, more enjoyable, more rewarding. When we live creatively, boredom is banished and every moment holds the promise of a fresh discovery.” Czikszentmihalyi What about motivation? Motivation appears to be a central factor in creativity. Having a clear understanding of the purpose of a creative project is fundamental. However,  please remember from my blog last week, you can't impose your purpose on others, it is an emotional connection to the impact your work has on the world . Interestingly it is our intrinsic motivation that is conducive to and strongly associated with our creative abilities. A key  component of intrinsic motivation, according to self-determination theory, is the belief in one’s competence. Original  thinkers, are confident in their  ability to be creative and solve problems yet they doubt the ideas they generate. This doubt pushes them to critique their ideas and provides motivation  to keep generating better options. A final thought.    Do not  look  or push for that quick lightbulb moment. Early researchers found that  “creative work is not a matter of milliseconds, minutes, or even hours but of months, years, and decades". A final thought    “In the heat of the moment small advances feel great, and the one’s that turn out to be crucial slip in quietly" Gruber   References:  Pamela Allen: Mr. Archimedes' Bath https://www.mckinsey.com/business-functions/mckinsey-digital/our-insights/fasttimes/have-you-made-it-safe-to-fail https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrfNOg-sTKo Kounios, J. and Beeman, M. (2014). The Cognitive Neuroscience of Insight.  Annual Review of Psychology , 65(1), pp.71–93. https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/aa54/541387b30980f27e85d2d68cb3fc10d3aa66.pdf https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwTlbehPDbI Mathias Benedek, Fabiola Franz, Moritz Heene, Aljoscha C.Neubauer Differential effects of cognitive inhibition and intelligence on creativity, Personality and Individual Differences  Volume 53, Issue 4 , September 2012, Pages 480-485 https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2012.04.014 Creative Work: On the Method of Howard Gruber https://docuri.com/download/creativework_59c1d024f581710b286429ba_pdf Grant A ( 2016) Originals https://www.forbes.com/sites/jurgenappelo/2016/04/03/create-a-safe-to-fail-environment/#1a2674d110d8 Lucas, B. J., & Nordgren, L. F. (2015). People underestimate the value of persistence for creative performance.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 109 (2), 232–243.  https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000030 The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth By: Amy C. Edmondson Woodman, R.W., Sawyer, J.E. and Griffin, R.W. (1993), "Toward a theory of organizational creativity", Academy of Management Review, Vol. 18 No. 2, pp. 293-321. Placebo can enhance creativity, Rozenkrantz, Liron; Mayo, Avraham E; Tomer Ilan; Hart, Yuval; Noy, Lior; et al. PLoS One ; San Francisco  Vol. 12, Iss. 9,   (Sep 2017) Creativity Is Much More Than 10,000 Hours of Deliberate Practice, Scientific American By Scott Barry Kaufman on April 17, 2016 https://www.fastcompany.com/3025994/watch-this-baby-video-its-good-for-your-creativity

"It’s not who you are underneath; it’s what you do that defines you." (Nolan, 2005, 1:11:09) Photo by Fallon Michael on Unsplash Our personality traits, are typically defined as relatively stable patterns of behaviours, thoughts, and feelings. They are essentially how our internal personality translates how we interact with life. The pervasive approach amongst psychologists has been that personality stabilises at age 30, or perhaps as late as 50. Unless a person sustains a head injury it is unlikely that their personality will change. Researchers identified five general personality traits: openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and emotional stability. Regular readers would be aware that there is rarely one theory amongst psychologists and increasingly personality research is demonstrating the impact of external or environmental factors on personality. There is a view that people create, seek out, or otherwise gravitate to environments that are compatible with their traits. Some researchers argue that we have a ‘set point’ to which our personalities return after being impacted by a life event or external factor. Others argue that our external social roles impact our personalities, the third perspective is that our values and the ability to reach them may be involved in changes in personality. Can we actively change our personalities? There is also growing interest into external interventions that may change personality traits and the internal or self‐induced actions to develop personality. Unsurprisingly, researchers have found that individuals need to want to change their trait-related behaviours, either as an end in itself or in order to achieve other goals. They also need to consider what behavioural changes are feasible and be able to consistently implement them to ensure they become habits. If you are feeling nostalgic, click here for a clip of Superman changing into Clark Kent What is the impact of major life events or transitions? Regular readers are aware that we cannot control everything in life. Transitions are the “environmental changes are so drastic that that usual behaviour patterns are disrupted and we have minimal control over the environment.” Common Transitions include: Education; Employment; Marriage; Parenthood; Immigration; Retirement; and Redundancy. One group of researchers found that transitions strengthen personality. The alternative view is that transitions provide an opportunity for change because to cope successfully with the new and the unpredictable requires a reorganisation of priorities and adaptation to new environment, thus they alter personality. What about the transitions associated with leadership? As a person transitions to a more senior role they will experience increases in job role demands, a crucial manifestation of role expectations, in addition increases in leadership job tenure leads to increases in cognitive complexity. As a person progresses within their leadership role and into more senior leadership roles they are constantly transitioning. A recently published article found that the conscientiousness component of personality adapts to the changes in job responsibilities associated with leadership. Is this research really something new? The Hawaii longitudinal study of personality and health, which began in 1959 is an ongoing investigation of 2000 first‐ through sixth‐grade elementary school children who were first assessed on their personality traits. Today 73% of participants are still happy to be involved in research. The current findings tend to support the view that during the 40s and 50s, Extraversion and Openness remain relatively stable, where as Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, and Emotional Stability show slight increases over time. How does this relate to our day to day behaviour? In my opinion, irrespective of whether the origin of our personality may lies in our biology and or environment, self‐regulation remains the most important driving force in the shaping of our day to day behaviour. We all have unique cognitive schemas that we develop to categorise our social world and shape our behaviour: (a) encodings or categories for construing the world, (b) expectancies and beliefs about the world (e.g., self-efficacy), (c) affects, goals and values, (d) competencies, and (e) self-regulatory plans. Remember that we are uniquely characterised by the content of these systems, by the particular way they are inter-connected, and their accessibility. So what about leadership? As with any transition, leaders have the opportunity to decide if it will change them for the better or worse. Good leaders are constantly motivated to improve their behaviour irrespective of their personality, habits or ignorance. They know that explanations for behaviour do not serve as excuses for inappropriate actions. My brave clients, and their bosses, have decided that leadership is the perfect time to improve their self-awareness, emotional intelligence and behaviour. Are you ready to? References Kay L. Ritchie , & Robin S. S. Kramer,(2016) Why (and how) Superman hides behind glasses: the difficulties of face matching. Journal of Geek Studies 3(2): 12–16. Li, W.-D., Li, S., Feng, J. (Jasmine), Wang, M., Zhang, H., Frese, M. and Wu, C.-H. (2020). Can becoming a leader change your personality? An investigation with two longitudinal studies from a role-based perspective. Journal of Applied Psychology. Boer, L., Klimstra, T.A., Branje, S.J.T., Meeus, W.H.J. and Denissen, J.J.A. (2019). Personality Maturation during the Transition to Working Life: Associations with Commitment as a Possible Indicator of Social Investment. European Journal of Personality, 33(4), pp.456–467. ‌ Hennecke, M., Bleidorn, W., Denissen, J. J. A., & Wood, D. (2014). A three‐part framework for self‐regulated personality development across adulthood. European Journal of Personality, 28, 289–299. Hampson, S. E., Dubanoski, J. P., Hamada, W., Marsella, A. J., Matsukawa, J., Suarez, E., et al. (2001). Where are they now? Locating former elementary‐school students after nearly 40 years for a longitudinal study of personality and health. Journal of Research in Personality, 35, 375–387 Hampson, S.E. (2012). Personality Processes: Mechanisms by Which Personality Traits “Get Outside the Skin.” Annual Review of Psychology, [online] 63(1), pp.315–339. Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3193854/ . ‌ Ardelt, M. (2000). Still Stable after All These Years? Personality Stability Theory Revisited. Social Psychology Quarterly, [online] 63(4), pp.392–405. Available at: https://www.jstor.org/stable/2695848 [Accessed 12 Oct. 2019]. ‌ Hampson, S.E. and Edmonds, G.W. (2017). A New Twist on Old Questions: A Life Span Approach to the Trait Concept. Journal of Personality, 86(1), pp.97–108. ‌ www.ioatwork.com. (n.d.). Personalities Can Change After Taking on Leadership Roles. [online] Available at: http://www.ioatwork.com/personalities-can-change-after-taking-on-leadership-roles/ [Accessed 1 Dec. 2020]. ‌

Last week I met with a client, let's call her Sue, she is an ambitious executive who has just received the promotion she had been working towards. We discussed the new role in detail: the strategic responsibilities of entering a new market; the challenges of managing a team who used to be her peers; sitting on an executive team that was based in another city; and the competitors disrupting the market. It was clear throughout out this conversation Sue was excited and engaged. Her new boss is supportive and has kindly given her some excellent leadership books. It was at this point in her description that she paused and looked perplexed, as though she was lost for words. After a few moments of silence she said to me “I am conflicted. I appreciate my boss’s support and am as I really keen to read and learn about leadership. I have been reading the books on the train as I commute to work, they are informative and practical. Yet something isn’t quite right….. the train trip is my leisure time” Sue’s comment made me pause and reflect, what is leisure time, what makes it so important and how do we protect it? Leisure can best be conceptualised as an activity that is meaningful and satisfying yet occurs at a time you are free of all other obligations (work, self and family). In fact it is not necessarily the activity that makes it leisure but the spirit in which we do something. For example, imagine you attend the Australian Open tennis final with your family, your best friend or you host high potential clients, the experiences will all be significantly different. There is research to indicate that leisure time if done properly has many benefits including: Motivation Mental health Physical health Creativity Resilience Social connectedness Happiness and flow Quality of life Self esteem Skill development Adjustment to transitions including, parenthood, retirement, immigration, and even a new job. Given the importance of leisure you may be wondering what happened with my cleint Sue. To help her solve her conundrum we reflected on the goal of her coaching program: namely to improve the creativity of her team and to shift their mindset that "hard work" should not mean longer work hours. With this context Sue decided to she would continue to read the leadership books on the way to work and her novels on the way home. Much to the surprise of her new team she initiated 'social team meetings', these meetings no formal agenda other than to for her team to get to know each other informally. Sue was acutely aware that the first few social meetings would be awkward and painful and thus she provided props like backgammon, playing cards and a dart board to break the ice. She also encouraged Podcast listening and reading time as regular scheduled diary entries. Through these two changes Sue was able to begin to integrate her leisure values and desire to learn into the habits of herself and her new team. Whilst work occupies a large section of our waking hours, remember about 21% of our time is free. Actually, in 2016, researchers found Australian’s spent more time in front of the television (18.7 billion hours) than at work (17.7 billion hours). Never the less, public health researchers have ranked “time stress” as one of the most important social trends underlying rising rates of obesity. So how do we combat the “cult of businesses” and the ensure that work doesn’t cut into our leisure time? Start with an honest definition of leisure time, then look at your diary and see how you actually spend your time. Highlight the unscheduled pockets of times when you are free from obligations. Some will be long like a Sunday afternoon, others may be a mere five minutes, (that time when you are waiting for the bus, the barista to make your coffee, etc. ) either way they are opportunities for leisure. Now plan what you want to do in your leisure time, Ashley Whillans will challenge you to start thinking about how you spend our time to account for it the way we account for our money. It is worthwhile to define your leisure goals and values. (I have put a leisure values quiz on my resources page). Then start brainstorming and researching the leisure activities that matter and interest you, these are the things that will improve your wellbeing rather than distract from it. Don’t forget in the few minutes between commitments you can book in a coffee with a friend, look up the rules of backgammon, or buy a puzzle on line. As Brigid Schulte explained it’s in those “moments away from work and the getting of doing of daily life, that’s where innovation and creativity lives.” Some interesting leisure ideas that my client’s are involved in: Become a Raise mentor: https://raise.org.au/volunteer/ Join a free, non-competitive, social running crew Dragon Boat Racing https://whatson.cityofsydney.nsw.gov.au/events/dragon-boat-races Quilters Guild of NSW https://quiltnsw.com/ Contact your local council and see what programs they have Reading novels Painting Bushwalking References: Bora, L, Lawson K.M., Chang, Po-Ju; Neuendorf, Claudia; Dmitrieva, Natalia O; et al. (2015): Leisure-Time Physical Activity Moderates the Longitudinal Associations between Work-Family Spillover and Physical Health, Journal of Leisure Research 47,4 Csikszentmihalyi, M. & LeFevre, J. (1989) Optimal Experience in Work and Leisure. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology Vol. 56, No. 5,815-822 Whillans A. and Dunn, E. ( 2017) To Promote Happiness, Choose Time Over Money. November 14, 2017 https://behavioralscientist.org/promote-happiness-choose-time-money/ https://www.finder.com.au/how-australians-spent-their-time-in-2016 Daley, A. (1999) Work, leisure and well-being.Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology; Leicester Vol. 72, 402-403. Listen to Ep 114. Brigid Schulte: Overcoming the Overwelm from Work and Life with Stew Friedman in Podcasts. https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/work-and-life-with-stew-friedman/id1175869621?mt=2&i=1000431678495 Listen to Ep 113. Ashley Whillans: Combating Time Poverty from Work and Life with Stew Friedman in Podcasts. https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/work-and-life-with-stew-friedman/id1175869621?mt=2&i=1000431209840 Listen to Bruce Daisley from the WorkLife podcast in Podcasts. https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/the-worklife-podcast/id986649701?mt=2#episodeGuid=tag%3Asoundcloud%2C2010%3Atracks%2F599955102 4153.0 - How Australians Use Their Time, 2006 LATEST ISSUE Released at 11:30 AM (CANBERRA TIME) 21/02/2008 http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/Latestproducts/4153.0Main%20Features22006?opendocument&tabname=Summary&prodno=4153.0&issue=2006&num=&view= #leisure #wellbeing #flow #transition #mentalhealth #resilience

"One day when the light is glowing I'll be in my castle golden But until the gates are open I just wanna feel this moment (oh) I just wanna feel this moment (oh) I just wanna feel this moment Feel this moment" Feel This Moment by Christina Aguilera, and Pitbull (click here for the song) Photo by Icons8 Team on Unsplash According to the literature, savoring just means that we attempt to fully feel, enjoy, and extend our positive experiences and beliefs. Take a moment and answer the following questions: A) When was the last time you savoured something? B) Did you savour an external event or an internal refection? C) Did you savour Spontaneously or Consciously? If you like click here to email me your answers. "It was such a whirlwind for us for about three to four years there that, every time we turned around, we were pulled in 90 different directions, and I look back on that now, and they're such wonderful memories, but you kinda wish that you would've taken the time to savor them a little bit more." Jay DeMarcus Savoring involves the self-regulation of positive feelings, most typically generating, maintaining, or enhancing positive emotion by attending to positive experiences and beliefs from the past, present, or future. Interesting researchers identified that savouring experiences is separate from savouring beliefs. Savoring an experience is when your sensations, perceptions, thoughts, behaviours, and feelings when mindfully attending to and appreciating something positive. For example: counting blessings to remind oneself of one’s good fortune; carefully taking a “mental photograph” of a spectacular sunset for later recall, or closing one’s eyes to focus one’s attention and block out distractions while tasting a delicious piece of cake. Savoring a belief is when you reflect on your ability to enjoy positive experiences, as distinct from your ability to obtain positive outcomes. How do we actually savour experiences or beliefs? Savoring the moment requires you to notice and be mindfully aware of the pleasurable features of the experience or belief as well as positive emotions that arise from encountering it. Remember, just because you are mindfully aware of an ongoing positive belief or experience does not guarantee that you will savor it. To savour the belief or experience you need to regulate and prolong the positive aspects. Savoring is a great way to develop a long-lasting stream of positive thoughts and emotions, because positive events cannot always be relied on to make you happier. What does savouring actually do? The process of savoring itself promotes positive meaning, it broadens our general attentional awareness by shifting awareness from rumination to attention. How does it work? Savoring enhances our positive mood, regular readers would be aware that positive moods predispose people to find life more meaningful and that positive moods increase sensitivity to the meaning relevance of situations. Barbra Frederickson’s research has found that positive emotions, open our minds, broaden and expand our awareness, and facilitate the building and development of resources, including knowledge, skills, abilities, and relationships. “Today’s positive emotions do not simply exemplify today’s wellbeing, they also help to create next month’s increases in wellbeing” Dr Fredrickson So you must be thinking... Let's get real... its 2020! Researchers have found that the mere contrast between a bad and a good events can lead to an increase in perception of and savoring the positive elements in one’s life without the need to reappraise a negative event. https://mumbrella.com.au/solotel-encourages-aussies-to-get-back-to-the-pub-for-xmas-657070 “The worst experiences in life may come with an eventual upside, by promoting the ability to appreciate life’s small pleasures” Croft, Dunn, & Quoidbach, 2014 How do you savor in 2020? Don’t concern yourself with about needing to find the silver lining in adversity, researchers found savouring is beneficial without reappraisal. Deliberately prioritise savoring in the face of bad things Realise that positive and negative experience are separate spheres of life. This realisation frees up your attentional focus and enables you to find and savor positive experiences and beliefs despite adversity. “If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome” (Bradstreet, Norton, & Hopkins, 1897, p. 294). Are there benefits of simply realising that something good can conceivably come from something bad? Understanding that transformation and growth are possible in the midst of struggle So also savour the affective consequences of an awareness of one’s own transformation and growth. Remember.. capitalise on the present Researchers have found that the following strategies help us to deepen the impact of savoring a positive experience or belief: Pause and experience it. Whenever you have experienced something positive and notice yourself feeling good, mentally hold on by thinking about the positive emotions and what caused them. As you are savoring, let your thoughts wander to anything else about the happy experience that makes you feel good. Then, just mentally hold on to whatever feels good. Take a deep breath, and pay attention to how these emotions feel in your body. Let the emotions fade on their own, until you are ready to go back to whatever else you were doing. You may want to also practice gratitude, reminding yourself that you are grateful for whatever or whoever caused these positive emotions. Show it by expressing the positive emotions in your facial expressions and body language. For example, dance, smile, laugh, put on your favourite song or throw your hands up in the air. This can help to prolong the positive feelings. Share it by talking to a friend or the people around you about what you’re feeling. Typically when others respond well to expressions of positive emotions, it further generates more positive emotions for you. Feel free to email or call me to share your positive experiences. References: Bryant, F.B., Chadwick, E.D. and Kluwe, K. (2011). Understanding the Processes that Regulate Positive Emotional Experience: Unsolved Problems and Future Directions for Theory and Research on Savoring. International Journal of Wellbeing, 1(1). Bryant, F.B. and Smith, J.L. (2015). Appreciating Life in the Midst of Adversity: Savoring in Relation to Mindfulness, Reappraisal, and Meaning. Psychological Inquiry , 26(4), pp.315–321. Bryant, F.B. and Veroff, J. (2007). Savoring : a new model of positive experience . Mahwah, N.J.: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Publishers. Fredrickson, B. L. (2001). The role of positive emotions in positive psychology: The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. American Psychologist, 56 (3), 218–226. Psychology Today. (n.d.). What Is Savoring — and Why Is It the Key to Happiness? [online] Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/click-here-happiness/201807/what-is-savoring-and-why-is-it-the-key-happiness [Accessed 24 Nov. 2020]. ‌ https://mumbrella.com.au/solotel-encourages-aussies-to-get-back-to-the-pub-for-xmas-657070

“It doesn't matter what they say In the jealous games people play Our lips are sealed” Our Lips Are Sealed by the Go Go’s (click here for the song) https://www.instagram.com/bakadesuyo/ Earlier in the year I wrote about my concerns regarding incivility in remote work (click here for the blog). This week I was reminded of one of the more complex yet extremely damaging types of inappropriate interpersonal behaviour: Ostracism. Researchers have found that ostracism has stronger detrimental effects on employees’ psychological wellbeing than other types of misconduct, such as sexual harassment and aggression. Ostracism is subtle and quite ambiguous: it can be caused by both action (excluding) as well as inaction (omission of inclusion), it can be defined by perceptions, or behaviours. occasionally, behaviour may be perceived as ostracism when in effect it is not. Ostracism presents a lot of confusion to the victim, as they may not know why it is happening, or if it is indeed happening. What are the personal impacts of ostracism? Physical pain Decreased self-concept Drop in self-esteem Feelings of rejection Decreased self-perception Increased stress levels especially at work, Emotional exhaustion, and Depression Sadly, ostracism is corrosive to psychological wellbeing whether or not it is intentional, face to face, or online. “But you're the gossip girl I thought you were real to me The gossip girl But you're just plastic, girl Shiny plastic hard shell” Gossip Girl by Grace Vanderwaal (click here for the song, the first few seconds are brilliant) What are the organisational impacts of ostracism? Highly Corrosive to people and groups Decreases job performance Decreases discretionary effort Decreases organisational citizenship behaviour, (ie the extra things employees do above and beyond their role) Increases counter productive behaviour – (ie staff act out in negative ways) Increases turnover Decreases job satisfaction Creates a negative perception of the organisation Ironically, manipulative bosses may use ostracism: as a punishment for violating the rules, as a technique for bringing people into line, or to make the workplace so intolerable that specific employees people quit "It’s a type of violence against the individual... It’s insidious.. it takes therapy a while to cure.. just don’t do it " Ben Baran, and Chris Everett What can a leader do to reduce the likelihood of ostracism in their workplace? Increase the quality of your relationships with direct reports Avoid fault lines between subgroups Be mindful to not create unintentional in and out groups Be aware to remove non-intentional ostracism from the workplace Stick to your morals and set the norms for the group Learn and use evidence based leadership practices Recruit according to values and inclusive behaviour Help your employees find social support at work (click here for my blog on workplace support) Be mindful of your behaviour especially when you are very busy or stressed Remember you won’t do any harm by reaching out to everyone on a regular basis Be cognisant of who is in your team to ensure that there is never ostracism because “out of sight out of mind” Foster high-quality interactions connections between all employees, as relationships between remote co-workers are as rewarding as relationships between onsite co-workers and remote working has a propensity to task rather than interpersonal interactions. Please remember, that: Ostracism needs to be addressed because it’s inappropriate. Reach out to an HR, or an employment lawyer if the inappropriate behaviour has crossed the line. References https://www.indigotogether.com/indigopodcast/josh-cogswell-on-workplace-ostracism Williams, K.D., Cheung, C.K.T. and Choi, W. (2000). Cyberostracism: Effects of being ignored over the Internet. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 79(5), pp.748–762. News | Hofstra University, New York. (2020). Workplace Ostracism: People’s Psychological Attributions and Coping Strategies . [online] Available at: https://news.hofstra.edu/2020/05/21/workplace-ostracism-peoples-psychological-attributions-coping-strategies/ [Accessed 17 Nov. 2020]. ‌ Liu, H. and Xia, H. (2016). Workplace Ostracism: A Review and Directions for Future Research. Journal of Human Resource and Sustainability Studies , 04(03), pp.197–201. Howard, M.C., Cogswell, J.E. and Smith, M.B. (2019). The antecedents and outcomes of workplace ostracism: A meta-analysis. Journal of Applied Psychology . Quade, M.J., Greenbaum, R.L. and Petrenko, O.V. (2016). “I don’t want to be near you, unless…”: The interactive effect of unethical behavior and performance onto relationship conflict and workplace ostracism. Personnel Psychology , 70(3), pp.675–709. ‌ Steinbauer, R., Renn, R.W., Chen, H.S. and Rhew, N. (2018). Workplace ostracism, self-regulation, and job performance: Moderating role of intrinsic work motivation. The Journal of Social Psychology , 158(6), pp.767–783. ‌

It’s been a long glorious summer here in Australia, and I hope you all had some time away from your desks to relax and refresh. February always marks to the beginning of the school year, and the realisation for all that there are and there are no public holidays till April. Most of you have the self-awareness to know what good habits enable you to switch off, to ensure you refresh and recharge. Unfortunately, as our lives get busier inevitably these good behaviours slip, the hustle lifestyle, as aptly described in by Erin Griffith, is becoming more prevalent. The temptation/ pressure to work has never been more apparent. As one client lamented yesterday, despite his desire to ensure maintained a balanced life in 2019, he noticed last week he was so focused on his to do list last that he was regularly working later. He was well aware that an extra hour a day was beginning to turn into two and before he knew it he was ordering in dinner at the office. Despite being an ambitious fellow and setting goals for 2019 that involved bringing new products to market and exceeding his results from 2018, he was well aware that if he just worked longer hours it was likely his concentration, mood, decision making and performance would start to decline. We all know that the best leaders can’t make good decisions, motivate and inspire their employees and stakeholders when they are running on empty. For those of you who are in leadership positions, think of the culture you are creating in your organisations, are you brave enough to be like Bob Glazer CEO of Acceleration Partners, a highly successful marketing, firm to create a culture that focuses on outcomes rather than busy work? Remember your staff will follow your example and thus as well as looking after your own well-being you are enhancing theirs. Whilst there is still a bit of sand between your toes and memories of holidays, try to plan how you will keep a bit of summer when you settle into your work routine. I am well aware that good psychological well being is more complex than altering a few habits. However, integrating a few realistic shifts to your weekly routine to bring memories of your holidays into your regular life is not only beneficial but lots of fun. Personally I can't travel back to the Ningaloo reef and swim with whale sharks, there are things on the list below that will evoke memories of summer: Changing the screen saver on devices to a favourite holiday pic Eating dinner at the beach or on the back verandah Swiming Sharing a workday lunch break in the sunshine with a friend Reading novels Walking to the local shops Booking a weekend away Bushwalking Open air Movies Volunteering Remember to plan how you will keep up your new habit as work and life gets hectic and please be in touch if you want me to keep you accountable. References: Bob Glazer: Building the Healthy and High-Performing Company. Ep 108. Work and Life with Stew Friedman in Podcasts. Morten Hansen: Do Less, Achieve More.. to find out what highly efficient successful people do. Ep 67. Work and Life with Stew Friedman in Podcasts. Why Are Young People Pretending to Love Work? https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/26/business/against-hustle-culture-rise-and-grind-tgim.html #worklife #hustle #culture #leadership

Photo by Luke Jones on Unsplash “Well here is my advice For how to make a splash If you only got a moustache, a moustache, a moustache” If You've Only Got A Moustache  By Amick Byram   (click  here  for the song) Unfortunately, due to fear, stigma, social norms and bad habits men are not proactive about looking after their physical and psychological health, nor do they seek help when it is clear that they are unwell. This is troublesome because for both physical and psychological illnesses: Prevention is better than cure and; Early intervention leads to improved diagnosis and treatment. “A man's face should never be bare, We just want some facial hair We're all done with shaving, yeah everyone's waiting for beards” Growing a Beard by The Beards (click here for the song) What can you do? Grow a mo!  Go to  your Doctor (GP) for a check up Encourage all the males you know to go to the GP for a check up.  Catch up with a mate you have seen for a while.  Create a psychologically safe and healthy workplace Reduce the stigma of mental health Reduce the fear of seeking medical treatment Be  proactive  in regards to your physical health and encourage all your male friends to do the same Be proactive in regards to your psychological health and encourage all your male friends to do the same For ideas about proactive strategies for improving both physical and psychological wellbeing at work and in life, please  read my past blogs or send me an email . Our fathers, partners, brothers and friends are facing a health crisis, yet it’s rarely talked about. Men are dying too young. We can’t afford to stay silent. https://au.movember.com/about/foundation What are you going to do?  Please send me an email and tell me "What are you going to do for Movember". References: Ojeda, V.D. and Bergstresser, S.M. (2008). Gender, Race-Ethnicity, and Psychosocial Barriers to Mental Health Care: An Examination of Perceptions and Attitudes among Adults Reporting Unmet Need.  Journal of Health and Social Behavior , 49(3), pp.317–334. ‌Cleary, Paul D., David Mechanic, and James R. Greenley. 1982. "Sex Differences in Medical Care Utilization: An Empirical Investigation." Journal of Health and Social Behavior 23:106-19. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1557988319856739 New York Times - daily briefing Monday 2nd November https://iepa.org.au/early-intervention-in-mental-health/ Corrigan, P. (2004). How stigma interferes with mental health care.  American Psychologist , [online] 59(7), pp.614–625. Available at: http://www.acmcb.es/files/425-8237DOCUMENT/Howstigmainterfereswithmentalhealthcare.pdf. ‌ All song lyrics are courtesy of google

"Globally, men die on average 6 years earlier than women, and for largely preventable reasons.  So we’re  increasing awareness to stop men dying too young." https://au.movember.com/ Photo by  Ralph Blvmberg  on  Unsplash As I was walking thought the CBD this morning between clients I saw a bus with a moustache, a fabulous larger than life reminder that its Movember, the month around the world where men are reminded to look after their physical and psychological health. I am not sure if it is the only campaign with such a simple yet audacious google summary, but the essence of the campaign is simple, men don't look after their physical and mental health and its everyone's responsibility to make sure they do.  What can you do today? Regular readers would be aware that improving physical and psychological health and well-being is complicated.  So heres a simple list:  Grow a mo!  Go to the GP for a check up. Encourage all the males you know to go to the GP for a check up.  Catch up with a mate you have seen for a while.  Go onto the Movember webpage for ideas.

"I put my hands up they’re playing my song  the butterflies fly away" Party In The USA by Miley Cyrus (click here for the song) Photo by Dark Rider on Unsplash As I was helping a client prepare for a stressful meeting, we began to discuss his preferred strategy for regulating his emotions. “It’s easy” he said “I have a Spotify playlist, that gets me in the right frame of mind”. Regular readers would know that psychologists like to study most phenomena and thus won’t be surprised to read that the literature indicates these are the main reason why people listen to music: To manage our mood Relieve boredom Create background noise Reflect on the past To be social Be distracted To sing or dance In my opinion, nothing on this list is particularly surprising, in a recent study as 90% of people reported listening to music for its emotional content, and tended to select music that reflected their current emotional state, even when that mood is negative.   Can music really improve my mood? Researchers found that when we are in a positive mood we seek out activities and behaviours to maintain that state. The more aware a person is of how they are feeling, and want to feel, the better equipped they are at choosing a musical style to shift their mood. Interestingly, people use music to heighten positive emotion, and experience the depth of negative emotions. As different musical styles contain the potential for many emotional responses, music can have simultaneous effects on emotion, enhancing one while reducing another.  Is it helpful to listen to sad songs when you are feeling sad? “They reach into your room, oh oh oh Just feel their gentle touch (gentle touch) When all hope is gone Sad songs say so much” Sad songs by Elton John (click here for the song) Interestingly, the research indicates that by using music to express emotions outwardly, to reflect and focus on them, and can enhance one’s capacity to think about how they are feeling and why. Thus the right song can enable a person to express and discharge negative emotions. Whilst all music will have some kind of effect on emotions, the strength of this effect depends on to what degree a person cognitively engages with the music and his or her emotions. Does the rhythm matter? “The beat is gonna getcha, beat is gonna getcha. Music for the blues, for your dancin' shoes,” Can't Stop The Music  by Village People (click here for the song) A slow, quiet classical piece, or a song with a gentle tempo may trigger the autonomic nervous system to slow down our heart rate and relax our muscles, leading to a calm, relaxed state. In contrast, a loud, driving rock and roll song may raise heart rate and energy level by signalling a less calming reaction in the autonomic nervous system. Because the nervous system travels down the spine from the cerebellum, which is responsible for motor movements and coordination, the rock song may also trigger semi-conscious rhythmic tapping or other movements in the body. This can also cause the urge to dance, or exercise with greater intensity. Do I need to know the song? Interestingly, researchers have found that a familiar piece of music with an emotional response is more effective at inducing a relaxed, positive mood, reducing acute and chronic pain, and reflecting more complex emotions, than unfamiliar music or environmental sounds. He says, "son, can you play me a memory? I'm not really sure how it goes But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete When I wore a younger man's clothes" Piano Man by Billy Joel (click here for the song) Intuitively we know this as we choose songs not only for the emotional effect of the song itself, but also for the emotions associated with the memory it triggers.  To paraphrase the email from a reader in response to my blog about taking a break (click here for the blog) . “I’m not to young for your song references this week , listening to ‘Road to nowhere ‘ brought back fond memories of long car trips to remote camping spots and relaxing holidays” This sounds like a lot of hard work? "Sing, sing a song Make it simple to last Your whole life long" Sing by Carpenters (click here for the song) What is most fabulous about music is that simply having music on in the background helps pass the time, decreases loneliness.  While music is not as impactful when it is a passive experience, be aware that it can still have an unconscious beneficial physiological response.   What are the social benefits? Music is a powerful tool for social cohesion, enabling different people fit together, and feel a sense of belonging. “I love rock n' roll So put another dime in the jukebox, baby I love rock n' roll So come and take your time and dance with” I Love Rock 'n' Roll by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts (click here for the song) Of course, 2020 was not the year for dance parties, or choirs or concerts and never the less there are some creative ways to connect people through music. At the start of the lockdown in Europe earlier this year videos went viral on social media of neighbours singing with each other across their balconies and even online.  Musicians are getting creative, one band put out a music video with a green-screen background on which fans were supposed to doodle, another released unfinished lines of a song and invited the audience to contribute.  It is safe to assume that anyone in contact with a teenager has participated in a at least one tik tok dance video. On a corporate level the possibilities are endless: there are groups with their own Spotify playlists; and teams that play the “song of the week” at the beginning their meetings.  Any downsides? As I wrote last week, whilst silver bullets do not exist, many people  rely on music to manage strong emotions so as to avoid the experience of being overwhelmed. Although total avoidance of emotions is an ineffective as a regulatory strategy, the use of music to divert attention away from a particularly uncomfortable emotion may be somewhat beneficial. Firstly, if you use music to avoid or distract yourself from an intense emotional state, it means you are aware of what emotions you are avoiding and what emotions you are attempting to embrace.  Secondly, unlike other avoidance techniques, music carries few direct risks.   Please be mindful that the regular experience of strong emotions, may require the expertise of a clinical psychologist, if in doubt please be in touch or visit your GP. Where does fun fit in?  Please do not let all this serious research, (and song quotes) distract from the spontaneous joy that emerges when you serendipitously hear a song that brings a smile to your face and causes you to sing or dance. Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing Thanks for all the joy they're bringing Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty What would life be? Thank You For The Music, ABBA (click here for the song) References: Lombardi, Nicholas . (2016) The Relationship between Music Listening Habits and Global Emotion Regulation University of Hartford, ProQuest Dissertations Publishing. ‌ Lonsdale, A.J. and North, A.C. (2011). Why do we listen to music? A uses and gratifications analysis.  British Journal of Psychology , 102(1), pp.108–134. Rickard, N.S. (2014). Editorial for “Music and Well-Being” special issue of PWB.  Psychology of Well-Being , 4(1). People Are Remembering What Music Is Really For. (2020).  The Atlantic . [online] 17 Apr. Available at: https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2020/04/coronavirus-has-forced-repurposing-music/609601/ . Lockdown singing: the science of why music helps us connect in isolation. (2020).  The Conversation . [online] 1 May. Available at: https://theconversation.com/lockdown-singing-the-science-of-why-music-helps-us-connect-in-isolation-137312. All song lyrics are courtesy of google

"Magic speaks to the child in all of us. No matter how sophisticated we become, there's still a part of us who wants to believe in an alternative reality, where we can defy the laws of nature." Criss Angel Photo by Alex Shaw on Unsplash A client recently said to me "surely there is an easier and quicker way... Each time I reflect on my leadership capability I realise there is something else I need to do" Now more than ever before we are constantly being tricked into believing that complex situations can be resolved by a quick a google search. At our fingertips there is always a blog, a podcast, ted talk or an app that will apparently solve our problems.  According to the dictionary, the silver bullet is “Something that provides an immediate and extremely effective solution to a given problem or difficulty, especially one that is normally very complex or hard to resolve. The phrase is almost always used in a statement that such a solution does not exist.” What is it about human nature that makes us seek and try a quick fix?   If we take an honest look at our behaviour it is likely that one of the following reasons causes us try the silver bullet: Laziness  Arrogance Ignorance Pressure  Fear Anxiety Impatience Need for control Exhaustion  Stress “In the age of the Internet, when both science and pseudoscience are at a click’s distance, many people do not know what to believe anymore.”  (Matute et al., 2015) Do our brains play tricks on us? Just optical illusions are deceive our eyes, cognitive illusions misinform our minds, researchers have found that the the illusions of control and causality increase the likelihood that we will seek the 'silver bullet'.  To be efficient and deal with complexity we have a tendency to  believe that there is a causal connection between two events that are completely unrelated (the illusion of causality). A classic example was when a client once proudly told me his meeting with a key stakeholder was a disaster because he wasn't wearing his lucky socks. The fact that he had lost his patience and spoken impolitely to the stakeholder was apparently irrelevant to the outcome of the negotiation.  Spend time in a casino or a trading floor and you will observe people behaving as if they have personal control over chance events (the illusion of control).  “it's very easy when you are making money (as a trader) to double up and double up and take unnecessary risk. This is just human nature. You think you have become God like and you can actually see more than the market can” (Fenton-O’Creevy et al., 2003) What can we do to avoid these illusions? Researchers have found that the leaders can do the following to reduce the likelihood of cognitive illusions: Raise awareness of the existence of cognitive illusions; Encourage a collaborative rather than a competitive climate; Reduce workplace stress' and  Foster a deliberative mindset, where  there is openness to varied information in decision making. If there is no silver bullet, should we persevere indefinitely? Perseverance, goal setting and grit are complex phenomena. When used appropriately they keep us motivated and focused. However, as I was reminded by colleague last week, researchers have found that constantly setting goals may lead to anxiety, perfectionism, and even burnout. I have always found it curious that it is the norm for professional athletes to have a team of independent experts coaching them on when and how to grit and when to quit, yet senior leaders do not. As the coaching session was coming to a close, my client took a deep breath, paused and then said to me “perhaps the silver bullet for improving my leadership is to cultivate a sense of curiosity especially around the impact of my behaviour on others.” My blog would not be complete without a few songs, so I have added, Love potion number 9, and the Witch Queen of New Orleans, to my blog play list. Please click here if you want to enjoy the original version of Witch Doctor by David Seville. References: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/criss_angel_511784 www.linkedin.com. (n.d.).  When to grit and when to quit . [online] Available at: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/when-grit-quit-susan-a-david-ph-d-/. https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/silver+bullet Büttner, O.B., Wieber, F., Schulz, A.M., Bayer, U.C., Florack, A. and Gollwitzer, P.M. (2014). Visual Attention and Goal Pursuit.  Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin , 40(10), pp.1248–1259. ‌Langer, E.J. (1975). The illusion of control.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 32(2), pp.311–328. ‌ Fenton-O’Creevy, M., Nicholson, N., Soane, E. and Willman, P. (2003). Trading on illusions: Unrealistic perceptions of control and trading performance.  Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology , 76(1), pp.53–68. ‌ Koppe, K. and Rothermund, K. (2017). Let it go: Depression facilitates disengagement from unattainable goals.  Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry , 54, pp.278–284. ‌ Matute, H., Blanco, F., Yarritu, I., Díaz-Lago, M., Vadillo, M.A. and Barberia, I. (2015). Illusions of causality: how they bias our everyday thinking and how they could be reduced.  Frontiers in Psychology , 6 https://twitter.com/jonathanstea/status/1316203020766507008

Please   email and  tell me, "What have you been doing to reduce the stigma  of mental health and create a more psychologically safe and healthy workplace?" As I went on my morning stroll yesterday, my attention was caught by the six safety signs outside a very small building site. I began to wonder: When will we be this open and proactive about creating psychologically safe and healthy workplaces ?  https://twitter.com/DrLeeBaggley Later, as I was catching up on my twitter feed, Dr Dayna Lee-Baggley's words caught my attention.  I began to wonder:  When will everyone be this open and proactive about mental health?   So please send me an email and let me know what you have been doing.