Search Results

“I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath Scared to rock the boat and make a mess So I sat quietly, agreed politely I guess that I forgot I had a choice I let you push me past the breaking point I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything”  Katy Perry, Roar (click here for the song) Personal Picture One of my clients is responsible for the development of a new technological solution that should revolutionise the way his organisation conducts business both internally and externally. This week he described the following concern: “Every time I go to an internal meeting with the CFO it is awful. She literally dictates her list of needs to me. If I try to ask a question or raise an issue she talks over me. No one else in the senior executive behaves in this way. Whilst the behaviour hasn't 'crossed the line', I am genuinely worried that one day I am going to loose it. Taking a deep breath or any other emotional regulation hack just doesn’t cut it any more.” Regular readers would be aware that emotional intelligence is the critical leadership competency for dealing with the complexity of interpersonal interactions in the workplace. When a leader has the capacity grasp the emotional dimensions of a business situation, then they can influence others to achieve productive outcomes. Can you connect emotionally without condoning inappropriate behaviour? The fundamental elements of empathy, namely suspending judgement and being curious to the circumstances of another person is never an easy task. Be mindful that empathy in the context of a person who is  also causing you grief is never easy, be sure to allow time for preparation, and perspective and do not be reluctant to access confidential support. My client began to realise that beyond the usual demands of the role, the CFO was experiencing increased and relentless scrutiny from the: CEO; board; peers; shareholders; regulators; employees; customers; stakeholders; and the media. In addition my client explained “The CFO takes a very personal approach to her work, despite the large size of our organisation, I know  they view every customer and employee as important individuals, almost like family members. Whilst the care means they have high quality of work, it also seems to place an insurmountable level of responsibility and pressure on themselves.” Regular readers would recognise that my client was beginning to think empathetically about the CFO and had started to consider the possibility that gaining an understanding the rationale behind someone's behaviour is not necessarily synonymous with condoning the behaviour. (Click here for my blog on empathy). Shared purposes are the foundations of positive effective relationships, thus empathy for another persons circumstances enables the identification of common challenges and aligned goals.  In addition, the conscious effort to be curious and take an alternative logical perspective to a situation has the added benefit of calming strong negative emotions. The key to influencing others is responding to their practical and emotional needs. Do not underestimate peoples' fundamental need to be heard and understood, and thus the power of being empathetic.  Can you influence the behaviour of others when they are causing you grief? When others behave towards us in an impolite manner, extreme reactions are common, yet neither passivity or aggression are effective or appropriate.  To avoid either extreme you need to be: Calm and emotionally neutral; Suspend judgement; Understand the other persons' emotional and practical needs: Have a clear and realistic sense of your primary goals or motive; Able to express concisely what is important to you and why;  Be prepared to reinforce your point of view again, by calm repetition. Do not be fooled by the apparent simplicity of this approach, being politely assertive or straightforward (as Martyn Newman refers to it) is a complex interpersonal skill and requires preparation, practice, feedback and refinement. What about the unexpected? Regular readers would know that life is messy and typically we don’t have the time to reflect and prepare for all unpleasant situations. Looking after your wellbeing will help to ensure that your baseline emotional state is rational and calm. Continuing to improve your self-awareness and emotional regulation will increase the likelihood that when pressed you will be calm and polite. It is also possible that you are retaining the content of my blogs and thus you will behave in an emotionally intelligent and straightforward manner. The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore. Vincent Van Gogh What about my client?   As we were scheduling his next coaching session he paused and said,  "I know I need to get out of my comfort zone and try this. I hope I am able to be patient with myself as as I begin to finesse my EQ skills in this very challenging situation" .  For a reminder of the complexity of long term sustained behaviour change see my past blog . Final caveat Please be mindful there are some behaviours that are completely unacceptable, and may require a different approach. If in doubt contact an HR expert or an employment lawyer. References: Available on request.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror I'm asking him to change his ways And no message could have been any clearer If you want to make the world a better place Take a look at yourself, and then make a change Michael Jackson,  Man in the Mirror (click here for the song) Photo by Vale Zmeykov on Unsplash Regular readers are aware of the link between a leader's self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and the wellbeing of their employees (click here for the blog). This week I want to focus on how leaders can gain useful honest feedback, in order to continue to improve their leadership capabilities and in turn the wellbeing of others. “Known weaknesses don’t get you in as much trouble as blind spots” Lombardo and  Eichinger In my opinion, the  best way to continually improve your leadership capability, is to take an evidence based approach to feedback. (For a reminder on evidence based practice please read my  blog ).  So how do you get useful feedback from others? Bravery is essential as we have both a visceral reaction to negative feedback, and a tendency to stop associating with people who give us negative feedback.  Therefore, it’s is essential to be open to both praise and criticism and to the possibility that you will need to change some behaviour.  Select the right people to provide feedback: Fundamentally they need to be kind but they also have your best interest at heart. Your relationship with them is based on mutual trust and respect They have sufficient exposure to the behaviour you want feedback on They have a clear picture of what success looks like. They are willing and able to be brutally honest. You have seen them give good feedback.  Trust your gut instinct. Formulate a hypothesis , based on your level of self awareness and feedback to date, take some time to decide what behaviour you want to understand from each person’s perspective. Pick one or two things , you will be more successful if you are focused on changing one  or two aspects of your behaviour. Take time to prepare the exact question you want people to answer based on your hypothesis of what is going on.  eg: “I think I come across as x when I meet with clients how does this come across to you?”.  Whilst this may seem uncomfortable, try to remember that asking for general feedback is confusing for others and unhelpful for you. Decide how often you want feedback. My recommendation, to make the process worthwhile, is get feedback for 30 minutes, once a month for three months. This enables others to adequately observe your behaviour over time. Do not be concerned that this is a large commitment. Approach people, and give them the context and purpose of the feedback and the commitment you are asking from them.  Remember to tell them you are keen for specific examples of when you are  and are not behaving in a particular way. How do you receive feedback with the grace to commit to  action? Brace self for worst case scenario.  Listen with curiosity. Probe for clarification. Do not not react or argue.   Tune into the valuable elements. Let it rattle around for a few days, especially if it’s surprising.  Integrate it with other data. What about assessments? There are too many questionnaires on the market for me to cover in this blog, what really matters is how you differentiate between them. Firstly, ensure that what is being measured is a concept that is properly defined, researched and job relevant. Secondly, make sure that there is research to demonstrate that the test actually measures what it is supposed to. (If in doubt email me).   You want to ensure that you are  completing  a relevant evidence based, valid and reliable assessment, and that you will be given detailed verbal feedback. Where does coaching fit in? Readers may be aware that I was first employed as an executive coach by a wise businessman who knew that individual leadership coaching maximises the benefits of detailed employee feedback.  As improving leadership capability and self-awareness is the impetus for my coaching referrals, interpreting  and acting on feedback is an essential component of all all my coaching programs. Typically, a manager or appropriate key sponsor are invited to attend the first coaching session to provide, support, context, set expectations and encourage sharing of goals and live feedback.  In the middle of the coaching program they return to discuss progress. Finally, at the end of coaching the reenter to reflect on achievements and set goals for the future. In addition, during the coaching program, as appropriate, I use assessments and I teach my clients to source on going  feedback. “Feedback that taps into our existing insecurities cuts like a knife” Tasha Eurich So what will you do with the feedback you collect? To this day I remember the look of mortification on my clients  face when his boss uttered the following words. “ I will know coaching has worked when people stop coming into my office to complain about Bill”. He was stunned because he had no idea that his enthusiasm, and quick problem solving were causing such angst to his peers and direct reports.  After a while  he was able to realise how fortunate he felt that his boss took the time to support his leadership development  At all times in the feedback process it is essential to remind yourself that collecting, analysing and acting on feedback requires objectivity, support and time. "Who you become is not about the traits you have but rather what you decide to do with them” Adam Grant References: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/your-hidden-personality-adam-grant/ https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-love-criticism-adam-grant/ Gino, F. (2016).  Research: We Drop People Who Give Us Critical Feedback . [online] Harvard Business Review. Available at: https://hbr.org/2016/09/research-we-drop-people-who-give-us-critical-feedback [Accessed 14 Sep. 2020]. Eurich, T. (2017).  Insight the power of self-awareness in a a self-deluded world . London Macmillan. Dweck, C.S. (2016).  Mindset : the new psychology of success . New York: Ballantine Books. Lombardo, M.M. and Eichinger, R.W. (2006).  FYI : for your improvement : a guide for development and coaching . Minneapolis, Mn: Lominger Ltd.

Photo by Thom Holmes on Unsplash “All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking.” Friedrich Nietzsche Over the years I have talked to my clients about how to fit pauses into their workday to: reset their emotions; reflect or; have some thinking time. Typically we will discuss time management, emotional regulation and accountability to ensure the new behaviours stick. Often they come up with little hacks like, 50-minute meetings or taking the stairs not the lift, to ensure they have a much needed pause in their hectic schedules. As I was chatting to a client recently about his work, I was reminded of the unappreciated art of strolling, the practice of just taking a slow casual wander with no fixed destination, or route at a deliberately slow pace. Typically, when we think of the benefits of walking the image that comes to mind is a person working up a sweat in their active wear. Yet philosophers for centuries have expounded the benefits of taking a slow directionless walk. So what are the positive impacts of going for a leisurely aimless stroll? Mood: Researchers have found only 10-15 minutes of walking decreases tension, increases calmness and causes a shift towards a “more pleasant mood”. Casual walking reduces feelings of boredom and dread and invokes positive memories.   The mind can mirror the body when you consciously move slowly.  Literally walking slowly away from an emotionally intense situation and environment reduces the likelihood of ‘catching’ the negative emotions and enables time and space for emotional regulation.   Creativity:   Typically when we solve problems our brain filters the ideas that we should access and retrieve. However when we engage in a comfortable simple task, it relaxes this suppression of memories, as a result  “Walking opens up the free flow of ideas”. Regular readers would be aware that often creative ideas come from novel connections between existing knowledge. (click here for my creativity blog).  Apparently Marc Cohn’s walk around Memphis , was a pivotal awakening moment in his career. Physical health: When you walk slowly, you are not as efficient as when you are walking at your natural stride rate. At a slower pace your muscles work a bit harder with each step, because you lose the momentum of already being in motion.  A fascinating study found that when people reduced sitting time by walking it was more effective in improving their insulin level and lipid parameters than 1 hour of moderate to vigorous bicycle exercise.  Mind: A casual stroll during the work day will  improve concentration, attentiveness,  and memory. A wander without technology   allows for uninterrupted time to think and ponder. Rumination decreases with exposure to the variety of stimuli a person sees on their slow walk out of their regular environment. “When I stop I cease to think; my mind only works with my legs.”  Jean-Jacques Rousseau Why does it work? Walking slowly is beneficial because it does not require too much conscious effort, facilitating the kind of free-flowing mental state that studies commonly link to strokes of insight. In addition access to novel spaces allows you to remove yourself  from your customary environments and think afresh in new surroundings.  Finally, it is very practical and achievable in a busy work day to get up and go for a short wander around the block. Much to the surprise of many, I have recently embraced the aimless stroll, and am enjoying its presence in my daily routine.  So next time you are in a  conundrum;  just need a break; or feel, that you are  “walking on broken glass” ; head outside for a short  stroll. Remember you don’t have to walk 500 miles ,  simply block out your diary, pack away your phone and go. If you wish, please send me an email of something interesting you discover while strolling. I have also added some fun walking songs to the blog playlist so click here to have a listen. References and further reading. https://www.verywellfit.com/slow-walking-burns-more-calories-easier-on-joints-3436873 https://www.songfacts.com/facts/marc-cohn/walking-in-memphis Duvivier, B.M.F.M., Schaper, N.C., Bremers, M.A., van Crombrugge, G., Menheere, P.P.C.A., Kars, M. and Savelberg, H.H.C.M. (2013). Minimal Intensity Physical Activity (Standing and Walking) of Longer Duration Improves Insulin Action and Plasma Lipids More than Shorter Periods of Moderate to Vigorous Exercise (Cycling) in Sedentary Subjects When Energy Expenditure Is Comparable. PLoS ONE, 8(2), p.e55542. ‌ Oppezzo, M. and Schwartz, D.L. (2014). Give your ideas some legs: The positive effect of walking on creative thinking. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, and Cognition, 40(4), pp.1142–1152. ‌ Natanzon, M. and Ferguson, M.J. (2012). Goal pursuit is grounded: The link between forward movement and achievement. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 48(1), pp.379–382. ‌ Koch, S.C., Fuchs, T. and Summa, M. (2014). Body memory and kinesthetic body feedback: The impact of light versus strong movement qualities on affect and cognition. Memory Studies, 7(3), pp.272–284. ‌ Ekkekakis, P., Hall, E.E., VanLanduyt, L.M. and Petruzzello, S.J. (2000). Walking in (affective) circles: can short walks enhance affect? Journal of Behavioral Medicine, [online] 23(3), pp.245–275. Available at: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1005558025163. ‌ Miller, J.C. and Krizan, Z. (2016). Walking facilitates positive affect (even when expecting the opposite). Emotion, 16(5), pp.775–785. Bratman, G.N., Hamilton, J.P., Hahn, K.S., Daily, G.C. and Gross, J.J. (2015). Nature experience reduces rumination and subgenual prefrontal cortex activation. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, [online] 112(28), pp.8567–8572. Available at: https://www.pnas.org/content/pnas/early/2015/06/23/1510459112.full.pdf. Webb, C.E., Rossignac-Milon, M. and Higgins, E.T. (2017). Stepping forward together: Could walking facilitate interpersonal conflict resolution? American Psychologist, 72(4), pp.374–385. ‌

Photo by László Glatz on Unsplash “You know I'm still standing better than I ever did… I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah” I'm still standing by Elton John Take an unscientific poll of your peers, friends and family and you will notice that the impact of the changes to the nature of work and the global economy is varied: some people are coping well even thriving in the new environment; and others are struggling. Some people are so nervous by the current circumstances that for them work is seen as a marathon not a sprint. However inevitably, they will come to the realisation that working super hard will not get you to the end quicker, rather they will be exhausted at best, burnt-out at worst.  How can you set up yourself and your employees for future success? Naturally you need to start with yourself. What is your mindset? Are you a realistic optimist? How comfortable are you with ambiguity ? How honed are your basic leadership skills ?   My colleagues reminded me that times of crisis and uncertainty exacerbates the impact of  poor leadership.  So take the time to get real honest feedback on your leadership capability, especially your emotional intelligence, empathy and general interpersonal skills, so you can focus on improvement. (See past blog for some tips.) On an organisational level When did you last go back to basics and look at the actual work that you do? In the last few blogs,  I have written about empathy  and purpose from an individual level, now it's time to focus on it from a customer perspective. “Where do you have a role to play in the jobs your constituencies want to get done?”  Rita McGrath Answering  these questions will refocus on the customer:  What customer needs are you serving? List of the outcomes that the customer is trying to drive What do you have to offer that is helping them to achieve  those outcomes Can you realistically serve them? What do you need to do differently on a  small and large scale? How will you know? What financial pressure have you set? Is it realistic ? Does your traditional business model help us? What aspects of your culture are impeding us? Have you consulted employees who don’t normally have a voice? A lecturer in my Masters degree emphasised that  to get a real sense of what was going on in an organisation, it was imperative to take the time to chat to people at all levels  especially those in customer facing roles. Typically they  know what is going on and where there is friction and frustration.   So once you are certain you have created psychological safety, reach out to your staff and ask directly,  “What did you do this month that disappointed a customer?” Remember it is really hard to get a good understanding of all aspects of your stakeholder and customer experience, not only do you need a high level of non judgemental curiosity it's important to acknowledge   that  “we get so preoccupied by what we are doing and need to get done, we forget the customer” On a team level Remember jobs need to be designed to help people be their best at work, not to be a hinderance to getting things done.   So take the time to examine: How demanding is the workload, if you are expecting people to do more with less how realistic is it? How much control do staff  have and why? Is it safe for people to say no? What expectations are people placing on themselves? How is everyone doing emotionally? How supported they are in their environment- in terms of resources   Clarity of roles: do people know who is doing what? Is it realistic? What are the skills needs interest and values of my existing employees? How do they match the work requirements I have now and in the future? Are the right people in the right jobs in term of skills needs interest and values? What is the quality of relationships within the team? What unsustainable unhealthy work patterns have become normal? Be honest and ask yourselves, have you fallen into the trap of saying “just for the moment.. commercial interest trump the values and the wellbeing focus”? So what is the relevance of the magnolia?  For me the  magnolia is symbolic of natural innovation, as it is one of the few plants that blossoms in the Australian winter. On your travels over the next few days, keep an eye out for these beautiful flowers, take a moment to stop and admire them and if you like email me a photo.  ----------------------------------- References: Work and Life Podcast with Stew Friedman Ep 174. Rita McGrath: Seeing Around Corners https://www.workandlifepodcast.com/blog/rita-mcgrath-seeing-around-corners My Pocket Psych Ep 065: Employee wellbeing with Dr. Kevin Teoh https://mypocketpsych.libsyn.com/2020/06 Griffin, B. and Hesketh, B. (2003). Adaptable Behaviours for Successful Work and Career Adjustment.  Australian Journal of Psychology , [online] 55(2), pp.65–73. Available at: http://doi.wiley.com/10.1080/00049530412331312914 [Accessed 28 Feb. 2019]. More references available on request.‌

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash “there needs to be a way for managers to virtually come up to employee’s desks and ask them non-urgent questions while they’re working on something important.” Aaron Levie For many people work in 2020 has become a bit of a "zoom Groundhog Day". Irrespective of: where we are working; how busy we are; or how interesting the problems are that we are solving;  or the connection we have to the purpose; our work routines feel  repetitive and at times monotonous. A number of colleagues and clients have commented that the way work is currently structured makes it really difficult to create the serendipitous conversations that we experience in face to face work. Discoveries in Thomas Edison's laboratory occurred when existing but previously disconnected ideas were blended. Readers would be aware that varied conversations and interactions with colleagues, stakeholders and customers not only break the monotony, but increase our luck. In addition, Chip and Dan Heath found that many of the techniques that break the monotony of work have the added benefit of shifting an event from ordinary to extraordinary. (For more detail please see my previous blogs on  luck  and the power of moments ) Whilst it seems rather bizarre to write about how to orchestrate varied connections and events into your work day, sometimes we do need to plan for serendipity.  Here are some ideas to get you started:  During existing meetings break the script. Allow more time for informal conversation in your team meetings. When you notice the team are chatting about their weekend,  or their favourite soccer team, just let it continue. It seems really simple, but it enables an opportunity for the more human connections that  usually occur in as people physically walk into a room. Pair up your team for informal chats.  Either  select people randomly or deliberately put together those who haven’t spoken for a while then send them into online breakout rooms for about 10 minutes.  As a prompt recommend they ask  each other “What has been going on for you?” and encourage conversation  about life and or work or both.   Invite an internal expert to share how they effectively communicate with peers via technology. Celebrate moments : The arrival of new employee, team anniversaries, or birthdays, are typically marked in the face to face office environment. So delegate these types moments to people who do not normally work together and challenge them to think of creative ways to elevate them. “Defining moments shape our lives, but we don’t have to wait for them to happen. We can be authors of them.” Chip and Dan Heath Proactive individual  connections: Schedule, one-on-one, recurring, non work calls to your team, colleagues, peers or stakeholders. Invite someone who you have never worked with, perhaps from a different department, to join in on an interesting work call. Recommend a new employee for a cross functional project. Proactively solicit input from junior people in strategic planing to gain their perspective on the industry. Go out on a limb, and hold a business meeting on Grand Theft Auto, or Minecraft.  Have fun: Play some games like run  an employee lottery; the winner is awarded a  virtual lunch or coffee date with the CEO.   Initiate virtual "blind dates" where you randomly pair people across divisions.   Look for a team or organisation wide challenge that is fun and aligned with a cause or value that matters to you. Please be mindful that some of these ideas may not suit you, or your workplace. I hope at best they will spark your imagination and creativity, and worst they will remind you to just have some fun. That's all they really want Some fun When the working day is done Oh girls, they wanna have fun Oh girls just wanna have fun Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cindi Lauper (1983) Please email me with other ideas that you have tried. References: Hargadon, A. and Sutton, R.I. (1997). Technology Brokering and Innovation in a Product Development Firm.  Administrative Science Quarterly , 42(4), p.716. Heath, D. and Heath, C. (2019).  The Power of Moments.  Random House Uk. https://www.indigotogether.com/indigopodcast/networking-love-it-or-leave-it ‌ https://marker.medium.com/the-extroverts-guide-to-working-from-home-223c67c2bf21 https://genius.com/Cyndi-lauper-girls-just-want-to-have-fun-lyrics https://www.forbes.com/sites/joemckendrick/2020/04/19/serendipity-lost-how-all-digital-engagements-reshape-innovation/#603b57cb73bd https://www.forbes.com/sites/miriamgrobman/2020/07/29/are-you-having-fun-with-your-remote-coworkers-maybe-you-should/#21e487926d43 https://digiday.com/marketing/bringing-serendipity-back-to-the-office/ https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/31/business/video-game-meetings.html https://www.fastcompany.com/90527857/how-to-create-serendipitous-employee-connections-while-remote

Photo by  Anton Gorlin  on  Unsplash “It's a new dawn,  It's a new day, It's a new life For me And I'm feeling good” Michael Bublé Click here for the song on  Spotify (I have added it to my Blog play list) https://open.spotify.com/track/3I09LQbHS3NSU46Ly3tPpR It is an understatement to say that 2020 did not turn out the way anyone expected. Beyond the tragic levels of illness, loss of life, civil unrest and economic consequences, the experience of ‘lock down’ and social distancing have had a daily impact on all of us. “The untutored mind does not like to be alone with itself.” Wilson. In our hyper-connected society, solitude is “more devalued than it has been in a long time.” Thus making aspects of 2020 challenging for many people.  A recent study of the experience of solitude found that a quarter of the women and two-thirds of the men–chose to subject themselves to electric shock rather than be alone with their thoughts. Interestingly, those who are comfortable with introspection and were able to pursue periods solitude is by choice, found it extremely therapeutic. In Australia “the curve” is starting to flatten and despite the inevitable but hopefully small spikes,  were are fortunate to be gradually transitioning back to ‘normal’ life. Our schools, cafes, retail stores are reopening and some workers are returning to their offices. So how can we best reflect on the months that have passed? Should we be looking for a silver lining? Since the 1960s psychologists have been researching optimism, and many studies have demonstrated that healthy successful people, tend to think in generally positive ways. As with any construct optimism has been defined in multiple ways, by both psychologist and in popular culture. Personally, I find Martin Seligman’s perspective that optimism is as a style of explaining cause and effect particularly useful. According to his model Optimists attribute good events with permanent, pervasive and personal. In contrast, bad events impermanent, situational and due to external causes. “If life seems jolly rotten There's something you've forgotten And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing When you're feeling in the dumps Don't be silly chumps Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing” Eric Idle, The Life of Brian  Click here for the youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJUhlRoBL8M Regular readers would be aware of the following benefits of optimism: Improved wellbeing Perseverance Improved productivity Live longer    Optimists cope better with stress and take more direct action in the face of adversity Persisting through obstacles and making up for any deficits of intelligence or skill  Less susceptible to infectious diseases and strong immune system Facilitates health-promoting actions Flexible mindset Increases creativity Creation of a positive, high-performing work environment. “Optimistic people are happier because they imagine positive events more vividly and expect them to occur sooner. This all boosts the luscious feeling of anticipation, which is greater the more pleasurable the anticipated event, the more vividly we can imagine it, the more probable we think it is to happen, and the sooner it will be happening. Of course, it makes sense that having a sense of hope and positive attitude about the future would make us more content in the present.” Tali Sharot Is there a down side to optimism? We all know that rose coloured glasses whilst delightful, can be misleading and at times dangerous.  "The way we expect the world to be changes the way we see it. But it also changes objective reality.  It acts as a self-fulfilling prophecy." Tali Sharot There has been much research around the optimism bias, in health behaviour and significant business decisions. Research has found that the optimism bias may manifest in the following ways: Underestimate how long a project will take to complete and how much it will cost Overestimate our success in the job market, Deriving greater pleasure from a vacation than we subsequently do, Financial analysts expect improbably high profits, Creation of an unrealistic bubble of optimism amongst experts in the midst of a global financial crisis What is concerning is that unchecked unrealistic optimism may: Reduce precautionary behaviour Cause people engage in an act that is rewarding at present but costly in the future Individuals' biases that are inconsequential on their own can accumulate together to produce a large negative societal impact The strange thing about the optimism bias is that people continue to maintain their overly positive expectations of the future despite strong evidence to the contrary.   On balance researchers have found that the benefits of optimism outweigh the consequences. However, it is always critical to use our knowledge of our optimistic biases to temper rather than quell our optimism. So please send me an email and tell me your personal and professional silver linings for 2020. For every reply I receive I will make a donation to RBWH Foundation Coronavirus Action Fund to help the Australian scientists who want to win the race against the coronavirus. https://www.rbwhfoundation.com.au/ References: Seligman, m. (2011).  Learned Optimism . New York, United States: Penguin Random House. Seligman, M. E. P. (n.d.).  Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life  (Reprint ed.). New York, America: Vintage. Sharot, T. (2011). The optimism bias.  Current Biology ,  21 (23), R941–R945. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cub.2011.10.030 The Optimism Bias by Tali Sharot: extract. (2018, March 22). Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/science/2012/jan/01/tali-sharot-the-optimism-bias-extract Solberg Nes, L., Evans, D. R., & Segerstrom, S. C. (2009). Optimism and College Retention: Mediation by Motivation, Performance, and Adjustment.  Journal of Applied Social Psychology ,  39 (8), 1887–1912. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1559-1816.2009.00508.x Steptoe, A., & Wardle, J. (2011). Positive affect measured using ecological momentary assessment and survival in older men and women.  Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences ,  108 (45), 18244–18248. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1110892108 Wilson, T. D., Reinhard, D. A., Westgate, E. C., Gilbert, D. T., Ellerbeck, N., Hahn, C., … Shaked, A. (2014). Just think: The challenges of the disengaged mind.  Science ,  345 (6192), 75–77. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4330241/ Winnicott, D. (1958). , D.W. (1958). The Capacity to be Alone. Int. J. Psycho-Anal., 39:416-420 .  Int. J. Psycho-Anal. ,  39 , 416–420. Retrieved from https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/b491/33a8dcc46979911d506b75ca2407d787b74f.pdf https://www.ted.com/talks/tali_sharot_the_optimism_bias/transcript?language=en http://positivepsychology.org.uk/the-many-sides-of-optimism/ https://medium.com/@neocody/how-and-why-you-should-be-optimistic-8b7c7be219b3 https://www.google.com/search?q=Michale+buble.+im+feeling+good&rlz=1C5CHFA_enAU860AU860&oq=Michale+buble.+im+feeling+good&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l7.4641j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8 https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/03/the-virtues-of-isolation/521100/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IU8yB3Of1Ao People Prefer Action Over Being Alone With Their Thoughts https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C5CHFA_enAU860AU860&ei=6HHUXtbnO9af9QPjqrSQDg&q=always+look+on+the+bright+side+of+life+lyrics&oq=%22Always+Look+On+The+Bright+Side+Of+Life%22+&gs_lcp=CgZwc3ktYWIQARgAMgQIABBDMgQIABBDMgYIABAHEB4yBAgAEEMyBggAEAcQHjIECAAQQzIECAAQQzIECAAQQzIGCAAQBxAeMgYIABAHEB46AggAOgQIABAeUK4oWO84YJRLaABwAHgAgAG5AYgB8wOSAQMwLjOYAQCgAQGqAQdnd3Mtd2l6&sclient=psy-ab

Photo by Susan Yin on Unsplash Please tell me in one sentence "What have you learnt and how has it helped you at work this week?" Thanks to the generosity of the Franklin Women COVID Carer’s Support Scholarship I currently have the pleasure of coaching some remarkable female scientists. These humble women spend their days immersed in learning and researching topics that will change our lives. They couldn’t encompass in a full page, let alone a sentence what they have learnt and how has it helped them at work this week.  I realise that the majority of readers are not necessarily learning as many new things  in a week as these women in STEM. However, I challenge you  all to pause and think about when you last delved into the latest research pertaining to your profession, technical specialty or leadership. (Sorry reading this blog does not count.)  Whilst most professions have an ongoing professional development requirement. In my opinion, these mandatory requirements are probably insufficient to quest your thirst for knowledge, and to really extend yourself professionally. So what are the benefits of continued specialist learning? Stay up-to-date with technical advances in your specialisation; Extend your knowledge into other relevant  disciplines;  Improve existing skills and develop new ones; Practically apply new skills and knowledge; Consolidate new knowledge with past experience. New neural pathways in the brain are established Stimulates creativity and innovation Improves  psychological wellbeing Increases in  income Decrease in financial stress. Live longer Higher health literacy, which is linked  to increased healthy behaviour Widens your network Generally good insurance against unemployment, even in difficult economic times. How do we stay motivated to keep learning in the long term? Set a personally meaningful learning goal . Your goal should have an impact on yourself and the potential to have some effect on or connection to the world beyond the self. Be future orientated: Make long term learning plan and consider the long term future benefits. Tell someone your goal before you start. This will double your chances of sustained action Schedule it in the diary Make a regular time in the week or day to learn Establish external  accountability : learn with a partner, or for the benefit of a project, or email  me. These are the podcasts I currently subscribe to: Eat sleep work repeat HBR IdeaCast How I Built This with Guy Raz My pocket psych Work and Life with Stew Friedman . SIOP (Society for Industrial and Organsational Psychology) conversation series This weeks song is the antithesis of all that I have written above, yet is has a fun tune and serves as a reminder of what not to do.  “ We don't need no education We don't need no thought control” Another Brick in The Wall Part 2 Pink Floyd The song is on my blog playlist References: Halamish, V., Nussinson, R. and Ben-Ari, L. (2013). In a year, memory will benefit from learning, tomorrow it won’t: Distance and construal level effects on the basis of metamemory judgments. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, and Cognition , 39(5), pp.1621–1627. ‌Narushima, M., Liu, J. & Diestelkamp, N. (2016). Lifelong learning in active ageing discourse: its conserving effect on wellbeing, health and vulnerability.  Ageing and Society , 38(4), pp.651–675. ‌ Shah, T.M., Weinborn, M., Verdile, G., Sohrabi, H.R. and Martins, R.N. (2017). Enhancing Cognitive Functioning in Healthly Older Adults: a Systematic Review of the Clinical Significance of Commercially Available Computerized Cognitive Training in Preventing Cognitive Decline.  Neuropsychology Review , 27(1), pp.62–80. Soutschek, A., Ugazio, G., Crockett, M.J., Ruff, C.C., Kalenscher, T. and Tobler, P.N. (2017). Binding oneself to the mast: stimulating frontopolar cortex enhances precommitment.  Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience , 12(4), pp.635–642. ‌ Yeager, D.S., Henderson, M.D., Paunesku, D., Walton, G.M., D’Mello, S., Spitzer, B.J. and Duckworth, A.L. (2014). Boring but important: A self-transcendent purpose for learning fosters academic self-regulation.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , [online] 107(4), pp.559–580. Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4643833/ [Accessed 18 Nov. 2019]. ‌ Education at a Glance 2012. (2012). [online]  Highlights from Education at a Glance . OECD. Available at: http://www.oecd.org/education/highlights.pdf [Accessed 4 Dec. 2019]. ‌ http://www.professionalsaustralia.org.au/australian-government/blog/the-importance-of-continuing-professional-development/ ‌ https://www.bls.gov/careeroutlook/2018/data-on-display/education-pays.htm https://www.education.gov.au/healthy-behaviour

They took all the trees Put them in a tree museum And they charged all the people A dollar and a half to see 'em Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchel  Click here for the  song, it's on my  blog playlist on Spotify.  Personal photo of  a plant in my neighbour's front garden that I took during the lockdown. I am working with a client at the moment who has been brought in to ‘fix’ a business and ensure that it makes a profit in the next financial year.  Her career has been built on successfully  ‘turning  businesses around’ and thus she is aware of what needs to be done. She is however, mindful to not get frustrated by the pace of change or take on the pressure that the board is imposing upon her. As we discussed her wellbeing and her emotional regulation, she reflected that despite the fact that in the past she found bushwalking very beneficial, she hasn’t made the time for it recently. It was this conversation that prompted me to look at the research in order to understand why a bush walk could be regenerative. What are the benefits to our wellbeing of being in nature?  Nature activates the parasympathetic nervous system associated with contentment. The sound of running water, lowers our stress responses. Contact with nature can decrease pulse rates, reduce cortisol levels, and improve immune functioning. Access to nature in our neighbourhood can be a buffer against stress. The natural environment helps effective brain function.   Nature enhances prosocial helping behaviour and decreases a sense of  entitlement. Appreciation of nature enables us to find meaning and purpose in life. Being in nature can improve general health and increase life expectancy. Evidence suggests that connecting with nature is one path to flourishing in life  (Capaldi etc al) How exactly does nature help our wellbeing? Colin Capaldi a Canadian psychologist,  identified  three main theories that explain why connecting with nature is beneficial to our wellbeing: Biophilia: Due to the fact that our fundamental basic human wellbeing and survival depends on connecting with nature, being in nature  is an innate part of who we are.  We seek beautiful, natural spaces because they contain the  resources that we need. Attention restoration theory: In order for our brains to function effectively, we need to balance our long periods of directed attention (think of a long work day) with involuntary attention. The natural environment is  conducive to involuntary attention because it contains fascinating rich stimuli that effortlessly engage us, without the need to constantly monitor our behaviour (think of watching leaves flutter in a breeze).  Thus exposure to nature is a method of restoring the balance between our voluntary and involuntary attention. The stress-reduction theory: Unthreatening natural environments are evolutionarily beneficial because they automatically elicit stress-reducing psychophysiological responses. Simply being in nature activates the parasympathetic nervous system. Scientists explain that this is the part of the nervous system responsible for “rest and digest,”, and have found it  is associated with feelings of contentment. Other researchers have looked at the phenomenon of Awe . Anyone who has taken a moment to stop to view the vastness of nature or contemplate its beauty will be aware that it induces feelings of awe. The process of observing the enormity of the physical environment serves to decrease the significance of ourselves,  our concerns, and thus frees us to think of others. I personally  believe that  observing resilience in nature  acts as a visual cue to remind us that it is possible to bounce forward from adversity.  Dating back to the 1906 earthquake in San Francisco, clinical psychologists have identified a phenomenon  they call 'post traumatic growth'. Specifically,  they have found that a substantial proportion of people experience positive changes arising from their struggle with the aftermath of experiencing a negative event that shakes up ther view of the world.  To look at a part of the Australian bush that was decimated by tragic bushfires and see new green shoots on banksia and eucalyptus trees is  a fabulous reminder of the possibility of rejuvenation after challenging events.  After an emotionally overwhelming event: People develop new understandings of themselves, the world they live in, how to relate to other people, the kind of future they might have and a better understanding of how to live life Tedeschi So what did my client decide to do? My client realised, that there are no wellbeing silver bullets, and a once off bush walk will not magically achieve her desired  state of constant calm. Never the less, she decided to commit to seeking out and regularly accessing the natural beauty that is on her doorstep. In addition, as she had not taken a day of leave since early January she has arranged for a  week of annual leave and will include bushwalking in her holiday leisure activities.  Finally, to  add a bit of fun to her workday and to remind herself that there are no shortcuts to wellbeing and emotional regulation, she has added the Softmal's version of ‘I believe in Miracles’ to her Spotify playlist. I have added Softmal's  and Hot Chocolate’s version of the song to my Spotify blog playlist.  There I feel that nothing can befall me in life, no disgrace, no calamity (leaving me my eyes), which nature cannot repair Ralph Waldo Emerson In the spirit of practicing what I preach I decided to embrace the benefits of flexible  working and wander with my laptop to a bench with a view of the water to finish this blog.  As you explore  the nature on your doorstep please email me with a picture of the beauty that you find. References: anpsa.org.au. (n.d.).  The Propagation of Banksia . [online] Available at: http://anpsa.org.au/APOL24/dec01-1.html.  http://anpsa.org.au/APOL24/dec01-1.html Calhoun, L.G. and Tedeschi, R.G. (2004).  The Foundations of Posttraumatic Growth: New Considerations . [online] Available at: https://ptgi.uncc.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/9/2013/01/PTG-New-Considertrns-2004.pdf [Accessed 25 Jun. 2020]. Colin A Capaldi: CV http://phac-aspc-gc.academia.edu/ColinCapaldi/CurriculumVitae Capaldi, C.A., Passmore, H.-A., Nisbet, E.K., Zelenski, J.M. and Dopko, R.L. (2015). Flourishing in nature: A review of the benefits of connecting with nature and its application as a wellbeing intervention.  International Journal of Wellbeing , 5(4), pp.1–16. Lorna Collier (2016) Growth after trauma. Why are some people more resilient than others—and can it be taught?  https://www.apa.org/monitor/2016/11/growth-trauma . Marinova, D. (n.d.).  ScholarlyCommons Building Resilience in MBA Students: Bouncing Back and Forward through Challenges . [online] Available at: https://repository.upenn.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1122&context=mapp_capstone [Accessed 25 Jun. 2020]. ‌Piff, P.K., Dietze, P., Feinberg, M., Stancato, D.M. and Keltner, D. (2015). Awe, the small self, and prosocial behavior.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 108(6), pp.883–899. ‌ Stellar, J.E., John-Henderson, N., Anderson, C.L., Gordon, A.M., McNeil, G.D. and Keltner, D. (2015). Positive affect and markers of inflammation: Discrete positive emotions predict lower levels of inflammatory cytokines.  Emotion , 15(2), pp.129–133. Rea, P. (2014).  Clinical anatomy of the cranial nerves . Amsterdam: Elsevier Science. Zhang, J.W., Piff, P.K., Iyer, R., Koleva, S. and Keltner, D. (2014). An occasion for unselfing: Beautiful nature leads to prosociality.  Journal of Environmental Psychology , 37, pp.61–72. https://www.glwswellbeing.com/ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_happens_when_we_reconnect_with_nature

"Culture is a form of protection that has evolved from situational pressures" Michael D. Watkins Photo by Wyron A on Unsplash In 2013 Michael Watkins conducted a survey on LinkedIn to obtain a definition of culture, whilst it is not the most scientific of approaches, there are interesting ideas that have emerged from his survey.  Regular readers will be aware that the culture of your organisation will impact many domains such as ethics, profit, employee engagement,  customer  attraction and retention to name a few.  “Culture is how organizations ‘do things’.” Robbie Katanga Next week marks the middle of the calendar year and the end of the Australian financial year.  It is therefore an apt time to sit with a warm pot of tea and ponder  the past, present and future culture of your organisation. Photo by Mehrshad Rajabi on Unsplash To make the experience less vague and overwhelming, think about how you want your company to be rated in 6 months time from the perspective of your: Customers: past, present and future Employees Stakeholders Board Other relevant parties Repeat the process with your team and colleagues.  Please be mindful to balance the aspirational and realistic perspectives. If you need a reminder to 'be careful what you wish for' click here to watch  9 minute The Sorcerer`s Apprentice scene from Disney's Fantasia. I have also added the music to my blog playlist.  References: Harvard Business Review. (2014).  What Is Organizational Culture? And Why Should We Care?  [online] Available at: https://hbr.org/2013/05/what-is-organizational-culture. ‌ Vandenberghe, C. (1999). Organizational culture, person-culture fit, and turnover: a replication in the health care industry.  Journal of Organizational Behavior , 20(2), pp.175–184. A quantitative study of the relationship between organizational culture and turnover intent among minorities in a federal agency by Racquel S. Nails. A Dissertation Presented in Partial Fulfillment Of the Requirements for the Degree Doctor of Philosophy Capella University March 2015

Click on the picture for a fun way to reduce workplace loneliness. Click on the picture to watch my 54 second minute Vlog , for a fun way to reduce workplace loneliness. Read my past blog and look at the references for some practical shared activities that are a nice antidote to loneliness. Please drop me an email and share your ideas . References: more are available on request Eat Sleep Work Repeat: Reinventing work 1: why you need to understand the ‘self other overlap’ https://play.acast.com/s/eatsleepworkrepeat/b5e16917-07cc-4997-bd55-510fa8bf1a75 https://www.telegraph.co.uk/education-and-careers/0/rising-epidemic-workplace-loneliness-have-no-office-friends/ Kurtz, L.E. and Algoe, S.B. (2016). When Sharing a Laugh Means Sharing More: Testing the Role of Shared Laughter on Short-Term Interpersonal Consequences. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior , 41(1), pp.45–65. Black, J.S. (2020). Laughter Will Keep Your Team Connected — Even While You’re Apart . [online] Harvard Business Review. Available at: https://hbr.org/2020/05/laughter-will-keep-your-team-connected-even-while-youre-apart [Accessed 14 Jun. 2020]. ‌

When I think back to my first job as a psychologist in child protection, my colleagues were fond of harmless pranks. It was common to hear shrieks of laughter when people realised that the letters on their key board had been switched, their office chairs were missing, or they spotted a plastic spider in their office drawer. The unexpected laughter was a welcome relief in this emotionally draining work environment. Yet today's workplaces seem to be characterised by silence. Despite the low unemployment rates in Australia, there is a level of seriousness and intensity in our workplaces and the only sounds are typing, harried footsteps and, if we are lucky, a bit of chatter at work, unfortunately, raucous laughter is very uncommon. I do not think it is necessary for me to persuade you to be funny and light-hearted, as anyone who has had a good belly laugh recently is well aware of its benefits to our well-being. (Martin, R., Kuiper, N., Olinger, L., et al. 2009). In in fact is has been demonstrated that sense of humour reduces the deleterious impact of stressful and negative life experiences. But what impact can laughter have at the workplace? Laughter and humour in the workplace if done correctly can: Reduces stress Defuse tense conversations. Improve psychological well being Break the ice – with people you don’t know well Brings joy when things get a bit monotonous, boring, or mentally painful. Remind people to smile and laugh Increase social connection Send a message not to take things too seriously Peter McGraw has dedicated most of his professional career to studying humour, interestingly he found, as many advertising executives know, we are better at remembering things that are funny or unusual. (see references for a full interview with him) It was quite fun, looking for a good example of humour in advertising to share with you, whilst I am not promoting Volkswagens, I hope you find this example fun. https://youtu.be/_Y7_Y1jxaGA So why are we so serious at work? There are some characteristics of the office work environment that may inhibit humour, some include: Psychological safety, Fear of offending, High levels of stress and accountability, Levels of trust within the team. Culture Incivility Job security Nature of the job Time Think about it, if your staff are worried that there may be negative repercussions if they engage in lighthearted shenanigans then they may shy away from laughter. For example if work is being measured in 5-minute intervals then staff may worry that time spent on humour may be frowned upon. So what can you do? Recent Australian research indicated that managers are at their least happy and productive when their roles are unclear, there is too much conflict over the tasks required, and there is just too much work. Rectifying these aspects of work, looks simple on paper but requires effort and attention on your part as a leader. Remember like any change program, to bring humour to work you need to do things gradually. Naturally, trust and psychological safety are critical, then it’s time to gradually shift the culture. Start cracking a few little jokes, smiles with people already know have a good sense of humour. For example, a smile rather than a frown when something trivial goes wrong is a safe way to begin. Then gradually encourage them to follow your lead. (see my blog for tips) There are many ways to then begin to introduce more fun and laughter into the workplace. The radio this morning reminded me of the fun associated with riddle challenges. For your next training program or refresher course create a scavenger hunt. http://scavenger-hunt.org/office-scavenger-hunt Take your team off to an improv course. It will help your team in many ways, it is great to get people thinking on their feet. They won’t just be funnier, they will be quicker on their feet, more relatable to other people, better able to pick up on threads in conversation and relate to them spontaneously. Here is some inspiration for some potentially harmless office pranks: https://www.snacknation.com/blog/office-pranks/ https://mashable.com/2013/01/16/office-pranks/#mkagu.N8CmqN https://www.workzone.com/blog/office-pranks-wont-get-fired/ Finally, challenge your team to come up with some ideas to bring fun into your workplace, once the culture is right and they know you are supportive, I am sure they will be creative and the laughter will flow. ---------- References: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-06-11/bosses-deserve-to-be-happy-at-work-too/9856698 http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/mf/6202.0 Martin, R., Kuiper, N., Olinger, L., et al. (2009). Humor, coping with stress, self-concept, and psychological well-being. Humor - International Journal Of Humor Research, 6(1), pp. 89-104. Martin, R.A & Lefcourt, H. M (1983). Sense of humor as a moderator of the relation between stressors and moods. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 45(6):1313–1324. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456 http://www.brannonprofessionals.com/blog/2017/9/14/the-benefits-of-humor-in-the-workplace https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-humor-code/201109/the-importance-humor-research The Peter McGraw interview audio file: https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/peter-mcgraw-humor-code-episode-618/ The Peter McGraw interview transcript: https://theartofcharm.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Episode-618-Peter-McGraw.pdf #laughter #workplace #pranks #fun #coaching

Photo by Filip Filkovic Philatz on Unsplash Oh yeah, I'll tell you something I think you'll understand When I'll say that something I want to hold your hand I want to hold your hand I want to hold your hand (Click  here   for the song on  Spotify, I have added it to my Blog playlist) I was chatting to a client this week, who told me that it is unlikely that her team will return to their office for about 6 months, and even then it won’t be ‘normal’. She is  naturally rather concerned about the long term wellbeing of her team.  According to the Conservation of Resources model,  wellbeing is  a  “see-saw” with a balance point between our inner resources and the challenges we face. When we have more demands than resources, the see-saw dips, along with our wellbeing. When we feel out of balance, or overwhelmed, it is useful to identify the demands we can reduce and resources we can increase. In my opinion interpersonal support is an extremely effective method of reducing the burden. For example:  Colleagues can provide support not only with work-related problems, they can also offer ‘‘an ear’’ to listen when other troubles arise in the workplace. Support from supervisors and/or management may take the form of direct, instrumental assistance with job task problems and advice. A positive relationship with supervisors may result in fewer job demands, reducing an individual’s feeling of being overwhelmed by work tasks Support from colleagues acts as a buffer against negative outcomes in the workplace I fear that as our work continues to be disrupted and we are not seeing our colleagues informally on a regular basis,  we  forget to identify and access our usual sources of social support. For some “support” may have the connotation of the requirement to do something big, and therefore the act of giving or seeking support is seen as inconvenient, or overwhelming.  Interestingly this week a client told me told me about the cumulative positive impact of the many tiny moments of support he had recently received.   Here are some of his examples: The peer who helps navigate office politics The friend who meets  him for a weekly run The colleague who laughs with him about the crazy antics of an irate customer   The smile from the local barista The loyal client who provides polite constructive feedback and advice The thank you from his boss for successfully completing a complex project despite extenuating circumstances. I am not advocating that the other aspects of wellbeing are inconsequential. Yet we should always be mindful that  our strong social ties are also very beneficial in enhancing our experience of positive emotions.   Whilst reviewing the wellbeing initiatives that another client was providing for her team, she decided to list all the people who figuratively hold her hand. As she put her pen down, she reflected ‘My back has straightened, my tension is lifting, my mind is clear and I’m smiling.. it’s as though all these people are walking beside me and have my back. I must make a few calls of thanks this week’ Whilst we can’t literally hold hands with many people at the moment, take a moment now and  answer the following two questions:    Whose hands should you figuratively hold? Who figuratively holds your hands?   Feel free to  email me your answers. Is support always good and are we all the same in our needs?  We can all recall a person who has provided what they thought was good support but in effect got it all wrong, or those who are always turn to us for support and provide nothing in return. Researchers have found, reciprocity impacts the experience of giving support such that wellbeing improves the most when you give support to those who support you in return.   Yesterday when I was giving a client feedback on their Hogan Personality Inventory I was reminded that people who have a tendency to be self-reliant do not feel comfortable when being offered support, so remember to tread with caution and courtesy. Not surprisingly, people who are adept at using their social resources to manage their emotions, generally forge stronger relationships with others and benefit more from social support after real-world emotional events.  For those who need tips as to how to ask for help, click here for my past blog. References: Nahum-Shani, I., Bamberger, P.A. and Bacharach, S.B. (2011). Social Support and Employee Well-Being.  Journal of Health and Social Behavior , [online] 52(1), pp.123–139. Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4423745/ [Accessed 17 Jan. 2020]. ‌ http://www.balkincoaching.com.au/post/can-t-i-just-hibernate-are-authentic-relationships-that-important-for-my-wellbeing Dodge, R., Daly, A., Huyton, J. and Sanders, L. (2012). The challenge of defining wellbeing.  International Journal of Wellbeing , [online] 2(3), pp.222–235. Available at: http://www.internationaljournalofwellbeing.org/index.php/ijow/article/viewFile/89/238?origin=publicati. ‌ https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/beatles/iwanttoholdyourhand.html Williams, W.C., Morelli, S.A., Ong, D.C. and Zaki, J. (2018). Interpersonal emotion regulation: Implications for affiliation, perceived support, relationships, and well-being.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 115(2), pp.224–254. Schutte, N.S. and Loi, N.M. (2014). Connections between emotional intelligence and workplace flourishing.  Personality and Individual Differences , [online] 66, pp.134–139. Available at: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886914001998.